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Words of wisdom for women getting married

Coming up on my fourteenth wedding anniversary, I've had a bit of time to reflect about not only our nuptials, but about the wedding process itself, and in doing so, I've found that retrospect has provided me with certain tools in which I could assist future brides.
First, the ring. If you are with a man who loves you unconditionally, who can put up with your bullshit for an entire lifetime, and whose bullshit will only drive you to drink occasionally, but who isn't exactly cash rich, it would seem to make more sense to put aside the shallow need for diamonds, and accept his proposal, and his promises for a beautiful future at face value. The baubles and bangles can come later, when they won't put him (or you both) into debt.
 
Speaking of debt, don't begin your married life drowning in it. While I understand that putting one's self into debt is currently America's favorite past time, it is a terrible thing to be saddled with maxed out credit cards during the first year of marriage, which is typically considered the most difficult.
While the perfect venue may be heavenly, it will not be nearly as satisfying as stepping foot into your first home. While eating imported truffle oil caviar sounds like a dream, it's even better when you can afford to feed and clothe your future children. And while the day must be special and momentous, the honeymoon can be multiple days, and even more memorable.

So what are my brilliant ways to save, you ask? What? You didn't ask? Well then, let me offer my advice unsolicited.
Starting with the engangement: unless you are friends with all Upper East Side aristocrats, you can forego an engagement party and wait to be showered with gifts at the actual shower. When registering for said gifts, be practical. As fabulous as it is to receive a crystal gravy boat from great Aunt Lucille in Saskatchewan, it's even better if you receive something you can use more than once a year. Consider your home, and what you will need for the first few years of marriage. If you've never lived together, you will need towels, sheets, plates that reflect your merging personalities. If you've cohabited before, well then shame on your life of sin! Ahhhhhh, just a bit of humor. If you've been living together, then think about things you may need on your honeymoon, or things that you've always wanted but just never could afford. And for goodness sake, never ask for cash. Chances are, you will receive some, but asking for it outright is just plain gauche. And I may be frugal, but gauche is out of the question.

Favors- my first plea to you, is forget the Jordan almonds. They are kind of gross, most people hate them, and they scream cheap as favors. Get your girlfriends together to share a bottle of wine and go gaga over Pinterest and Etsy. Homemade favors are not only creative and thoughtful, but often much less costly. The same goes for floral bouquets. Go to a wholesale florist, and make the bouquets with your bridesmaids. For less than $200, every person in my wedding party had a beautiful bouquet, corsage or boutonnière. The same goes for centerpieces. While floral is lovely, floral dies and floral is costly. Consider your life together, and come up with centerpieces that are reconditioned, repurposed, or just plain cool.

Wedding photography is expensive. I do believe that every set of newlyweds deserves to have a bunch of gorgeous photos to scrutinize after returning from their honeymoon, but I also think that if the budget doesn't allow for Annie Liebowitz, asking your friends and family to bring their cameras is both an honor for them, and will provide a unique perspective from people who know you intimately and may capture something in you because of that. And let's face it, aside from a handful of pictures that show you as a fresh faced couple who are happily and naively about to walk the proverbial plank off to the swirling dark seas of matrimony, most of your wedding pictures will be stored in albums or thumb drives in your attic. I feel equally as emphatic about not spending thousands on a videographer. I have a funny story about the man we bribed with  heinekens to film our wedding, who spent quite a bit of time panning in on girls in bikinis while we recited our vows. And while this is terrible, and you certainly get what you pay for, I can guarantee that our wedding video is much more enjoyable to watch, and offers a much better anecdote.

And lastly, the dress. Sure, that $13,000 gown that is styled after Bjork's swan costume is super cute, but chances are, you can hit up discount bridal stores or even Craigslist and find yourself equally as appealing for a fraction of the price. You will wear this dress for a grand total of six hours, and while paying $2000 per hour to wear a dress sounds completely logical and not at all ostentatious, you might find that in five years, you kind of wish you had chosen something that didn't make you look like a ginormous white duck.

Essentially, hindsight is 20/20. You are going to do things for your wedding, and your married life sometimes for the wrong reasons. You may be doing them because parents have forced them onto you, or because the Jones' did it that way, and you are always trying to catch up, but regardless of where it is, or how posh it is the real point of the day is that you've chosen to give yourself over to someone else for eternity. The logicality of that can be argued in a different blog, but the idea of marriage is glorious and romantic, and your wedding will be, as well, for the mere fact that is you two. Have the wedding you can afford right now. If you have Kardashian money, you can aim for Versailles. But if you're like the rest of us, there ain't nothing wrong with getting hitched barefoot on the beach.  After all, there something to be said about letting your love speak for itself.

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