are you there, dog? It's me, kerensa

My mother has given me many gifts throughout my life, but I think one of the most valuable was the gift of knowledge, most specifically of female friendships. I was raised seeing the rich tapestry women weave amongst themselves and with each other. My mother had many kinds of friends, almost all were artistic or creatively motivated. One friend designed her whole house from things she found on walks, one went on mini road trips with my mom to pluck quills from roadkill porcupines to make jewelry. She had a friend who didn't like children, and who spoke to us as adults so as to trick herself into believing we weren't children. She had friends with whom she smoked, with whom she drank, and on one occasion, with whom she skinny dipped. Many of my childhood memories are of my mother laughing, sitting at our  table in what we called the breakfast nook, surrounded at all sides by windows that used to cast our kitchen in an ethereal glow in the late afternoon. Sometimes, she was on ...

This workout story is retroactive, which, as we chubby girls know, is perfectly acceptable. After all, we can justify grocery shopping as cardio, sex as calisthenics. giggling as aerobic (3 calories per minute- look it up!) Several years ago, some friends (whose identities shall remain hidden for reasons henceforth explained) and I decided to check out "spinning" at the Y. Mind you, this was years before there were whole businesses devoted to such evil practices. I had tricked myself into believing that there may be a whole workout devoted to spinning in leg warmers to tunes like "Spin You Right Round". I. Was. So. Wrong. We will start with the music, which, as we saw previously, is a spot of contention with me. If I were the one running a class like spin, which would only happen if proverbial pigs flew, we would be listening to songs by Justin Timberlake, because if that curly haired youngster tells us to Rock our Bodies, we will most certainly do so, but also be...

So, I will start out with the positives of the Hot Yoga experience. Number one- It does good things for my body. I think. I really don't know since I have never been here before, but it is probably better for you than donuts or drag racing, which are both more fun. Number two- There is a man in my class whose body belongs on the cover of a naughty romance novel. This can also go in the Con category, because it is distracting, and also because it makes me less likely to downward dog for fear of dog-like gas. Number three- The heat. I actually prefer 96 degrees. It is one of my favorite degrees of all time. It is why I moved to Arizona, and why I often question why I moved back. Number four- the friend on either side of me. You're not allowed to talk, which goes against everything I stand for, but knowing they were there gave me some kind of good chi, or happy vibes, or what have you. They also fall under the Con category, because they are both thin and pretty and bendy. No...